Self-esteem matters

Self-esteem is the confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect.

“Oh, I wish I could have bigger eyes, a sharper nose, a slimmer build … I just want to look like…!” Does this sound familiar? Do you ever wish you could change something about your body or appearance? Do you tend to criticise yourself as you filter your pictures? If so, you’re not alone. More often than not, people become unsatisfied with their looks and seek ways to improve their appearance so that they can feel more confident about themselves. Their low self-esteem and sense of inferiority might be due to comparisons with others, negative comments from loved ones, or the inability to meet ideal and unrealistic expectations set by society and themselves.

An important question is: Who should have the power to define our worth? Do we let society define what attractiveness or beauty means?

Imagine a high-achieving student who takes a difficult exam and earns a failing grade. If she has high self-esteem, she will likely attribute her failure to factors like not studying hard enough, or it was just a particularly difficult examination. What she doesn’t do is conclude that she must be stupid and that she will probably fail all future tests too. She knows that by putting more effort or reviewing studying techniques may help her perform better academically. Having a healthy sense of self-esteem guides her towards accepting reality, thinking critically about why she failed, and problem-solving instead of wallowing in self-pity or giving up. She believes that there is always a chance for improvement.

Another scenario goes like this: Think about a young man out on a first date. He really likes the young woman he is going out with, so he is eager to make a good impression and connect with her. Over the course of their discussion on the date, he learns that she is motivated and driven by completely different values and has very different taste in almost everything. Instead of going along with her expressed opinions on things, he offers up his own views and isn’t afraid to disagree with her. His high self-esteem makes him stay true to his values and allows him to easily communicate with others, even when they don’t agree. To him, it is more important to behave authentically than to focus on getting his date to like him.

After reading these examples, do you feel that having high self-esteem is important?

People with healthy self-esteem:

Are less critical of themselves and others.
Are better able to handle stress and avoid the unhealthy side effects of stress.
Are less likely to develop an eating disorder.
Are less likely to feel worthless, guilty, and ashamed.
Are more likely to be assertive about expressing and getting what they want.
Are able to build strong, honest relationships and are more likely to leave unhealthy ones.
Are more confident in their ability to make good decisions.
Are more resilient and able to bounce back when faced with disappointment, failure, and obstacles

You likely have high self-esteem if you:

Act assertively without experiencing any guilt, and feel at ease communicating with others
Avoid dwelling on the past and focus on the present moment
Believe you are equal to everyone else, no better and no worse
Reject the attempts of others to manipulate you
Recognize and accept a wide range of feelings, both positive and negative, and share them within your healthy relationships
Enjoy a healthy balance of work, play, and relaxation
Accept challenges and take risks in order to grow, and learn from your mistakes when you fail
Handle criticism without taking it personally, with the knowledge that you are learning and growing and that your worth is not dependent on the opinions of others
Value yourself and communicate well with others, without fear of expressing your likes, dislikes, and feelings
Value others and accept them as they are without trying to change them

Given the positive outcomes associated with high self-esteem, it is definitely a worthwhile endeavor to look into how self-esteem can be developed.

Here are some practical tips on how to increase self-esteem:

1. Stop comparing yourself with others

Comparing ourselves to others is a trap that is extremely easy to fall into, especially today with social media and the ability to project a polished, perfected appearance. It’s all too easy to get jealous of others on social media. Let us not forget that people usually choose their best moments to be displayed on social media. According to a study carried out at the University of Copenhagen, we start to feel envious when we compare our everyday lives with other people’s highlight reel – which is all social media really is. When you fall into the trap of comparing your private self with other people’s public personas, you are bound to feel inferior!

So here are some tips to combat social media envy:

· Use social media to connect, not compare

Social networks are designed for positive interactions, not pointless and unhealthy comparisons. Keep your focus where it belongs. Take a genuine interest in other people’s activities, lives, and opinions rather than running yourself down by making it into a competition. You don’t have to give up Instagram, Facebook, or other social media platforms entirely. They are great tools for staying in touch with others. However, in order to combat jealousy, you need to keep a balanced perspective and be willing to take a step back when necessary. The only person you should compare yourself to is you. Strive to be a better ‘you’ than the ‘you’ from yesterday.

· Record your own achievements

If you have some good news to share, spread the positivity! There is nothing wrong in acknowledging your achievements and life highlights on your profile truthfully. Genuine and true friends will support and celebrate milestones with you. Record steps of progress that you have made. For example, “I finally managed to finish my homework!”, “I ran 1km today!”, “I tidied up my room!”. These accomplishments might be small or insignificant to others, but remember don’t compare yourself to the others. Be proud of yourself because you overcame your mental barriers, displayed discipline and determination, allowing you to achieve your goals! Your authentic posts may even encourage others to work harder at achieving their goals!

· Limit social media time

The simplest way to avoid succumbing to envy is to limit the amount of time you spend reading other people’s posts. Never allow yourself to waste hours looking longingly through a feed or photo album. Set yourself a reasonable time limit per day to catch up with friends and with news. Spend your time wisely by learning something new or doing something that is positive to your body and mind.

Develop a positive self-image

For some people, appearances have a huge impact on their self-esteem. Some people think, “When I get in better shape, I’ll like my body”. But it’s best to start the other way. First, accept your body. Embrace that we are all made differently. When you like and accept your body, it’s easier to treat it right.

Take care of your body by doing the following:

Select healthier food choices.Learn what foods are good for you, and how much is the right amount. Take your time when you eat and enjoy your food. Eating right helps provides you with the energy you need. When you treat your body right, you feel good about yourself. Go to: https://www.healthhub.sg/live-healthy/10/build_healthy_food_foundation to find out types of food you need to eat.
Get good sleep.Learn how much sleep you need for your age. Get to bed on time. Turn off screens hours before bedtime so you can sleep well. Teenagers need about 8-10 hours of sleep daily. You might think that you can function with just 3 or 4 hours of sleep but insufficient sleep can cause many negative consequences. Many studies show students who sleep less suffer academically, as chronic sleep loss impairs the ability to remember, concentrate, think abstractly and solve problems.

Be active every day.Your body needs to move to be strong, fit, and healthy. You can be active by playing a sport. You can run, walk, work out, do yoga, swim, or dance. Pick any activities that you like. Exercise can help relieve symptoms of depression too! Your brain experiences the release of endorphins when you exert yourself physically. Endorphins are a type of neurotransmitter, or chemical messenger. They help relieve pain and stress. For example, regular exercise can also positively impact serotonin levels in your brain. Raising your levels of serotonin boosts your mood and overall sense of well-being. It can also help improve your appetite and sleep cycles, which are often negatively affected by depression. Regular exercise also helps balance your body’s level of stress hormones, such as adrenaline. Adrenaline plays a crucial role in your fight-or-flight response, but too much of it can damage your health. What are you waiting for then? Get off the chair and start doing some push-ups and burpees!
Keep to a healthy weight.Calculate your Body Mass Index (BMI) here: https://www.healthhub.sg/programmes/93/bmi-calculator. Avoid trying fad diets or eating weight-loss pills to lose weight. When it comes to weight, the lower it is does not mean the healthier you are. If you have to lose weight to be healthy, exercise and eat well-balanced meals. Consult a qualified professional like a doctor, nurse or nutritionist, who can give useful and reliable advice.

What will you do (or not do) to improve your self-esteem?

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