There are times when we witness social injustice and anger wells up in us naturally. The emotions that people typically feel when something unjust or unfair occurs can be a double-edged sword. If they are controlled and channelled properly, they can lead to positive changes. If not, they can worsen a bad situation. Although anger initially causes a surge in someone’s energy level, impulsive, anger-driven actions are rarely productive. If you experience something unfair or unjust and you can do something about it to improve the situation, then you should. Allowing that ‘cannonball’ to sit in your stomach does you absolutely no good. In fact, it adds unnecessary stress to your life. However, much of the “unfairness” that happens in the world is not within our control.
Here are three ways to respond when unfair situations are beyond our control:
- Take a few deep breaths and ask yourself if it’s worth the energy you’re putting into it
For most, it’s human nature to have an immediate and negative reaction to something that seems unfair. However, sometimes when that “unfairness” is put into perspective, it’s often something not worth stressing yourself out over. If someone cuts the line at the movie concession stand, that’s not fair. Maybe you say something, maybe you don’t. Maybe if you say something, the person has a snarky response which makes you even more upset. But at the end of the day, you need to ask yourself if that person, who was either really distracted or just plain rude, is worth the energy that you’re putting into the experience. Why let someone you have no investment in interfere with your enjoyment of the movie you’re getting ready to watch? When you consider the big picture (no pun intended), a rational, unemotional mind would probably say no.
- Be conscious of what you can and can’t control
Staying with the line cutter as an example, you have no control over the choice that the person has made. The only thing you have control over is how you decide to respond. So often, the situations that people get most upset about and stress out over are situations that they have no control over, for example, what someone else did or didn’t do. However, the reality is, you have no control over what someone else does or doesn’t do. And if you have no control over it, it is a complete waste of good energy to ruminate over it. That doesn’t make the situation any more or less fair or just. It’s just the way it is. The only thing you have control over is how you respond. So before you expend a lot of energy, ask yourself if this is something you have control over.
Writer Lori Deschene shares the following:
“We can’t change mistreatment that happened in the past. We can address mistreatment that’s happening now. We can’t change someone else’s decision or behavior if they aren’t willing to change. We can change how we respond to them (and choose to help educate and positively influence them). We can’t change that tragedies have occurred, in our own lives or in places across the globe. We can support causes that seek to prevent future tragedies, or even spearhead our own. And we can’t guarantee specific outcomes for our actions, but we can increase our odds of making a difference by being clear-headed, patient, and consistent. Sometimes there will be unfair things that we simply need to accept, and it might feel instinctive to fight that. We’re only human, and we will sometimes give in to our emotional responses. What’s important is that we try to move beyond them so we don’t let the things we can’t control take control of us.”
- Consciously monitor negative thoughts and emotions, and turn them into positive actions
When something negative happens, it’s very common for people to start engaging in negative self-talk. “That was unfair.” “She was mean.” “I was supposed to be there.” “I could have been more careful.” And all of those things may well be 100 percent true, but they all keep you trapped in the past. They’re thoughts and feelings about what happened, and as noted above, there is absolutely nothing that you can do, think, or feel that is going to change something that has already happened.
To bring about positive change, your focus needs to be on the present and the future. To do that, you have to make a concerted effort to monitor your thoughts and feelings.
Analyse your self-talk and ask yourself:
- Is this thought (or feeling) positive or negative?
- Is it something I have control over?
- Is it something that happened in the past?
- Is there something I can do now or in the future that might produce a change?
If the answers are negative, no, yes, and/or no, then stop the thought and change it. Many cognitive psychologists suggest that you actually visualize a STOP sign and tell yourself, “This is not productive” as a way to facilitate this process. It’s also important to remember that this is a process and it takes practice.
As author and educator Kendra Cherry writes, “Being a positive thinker is not about ignoring reality in favor of aspirational thoughts. It is more about taking a proactive approach to your life. Instead of feeling hopeless or overwhelmed, positive thinking allows you to tackle life’s challenges by looking for effective ways to resolve conflict and come up with creative solutions to problems.”
Cherry goes on to say that staying positive is not necessarily easy, but the impact that it will have on your mental, emotional, and physical well-being will be “well-worth it”. She adds, “It takes practice; lots of practice. This is not a step-by-step process that you can complete and be done with. Instead, it involves a lifelong commitment to looking inside yourself and being willing to challenge negative thoughts and make positive changes.” In fact, some of the strongest and most productive movements against injustice have been when people have channelled their anger, sadness, and disappointment into positive action.
Taking positive action is a choice. Certainly, challenges and hardships happen in our lives and that make us feel sad or angry. In fact, these are normal emotions to feel for a period of time after something negative happens in our lives. We grieve losses. We regret mistakes. We get upset when we or someone else is treated unfairly. However, at some point, we have to make a decision. Do I want to live in the past, or do I want to live in the present and work toward a positive future?
It’s also good to keep in mind that out of every crisis comes an opportunity. No matter how bleak or dire circumstances may seem, when we can’t change them, we can control how we view them. It’s our perspective – our point of view that matters.
How can you change your perspective about some of the problems that you are facing now?
Sources:
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/high-octane-women/201409/getting-past-the-unfairness-life-3-reasons-3-ways
- https://www.boxingscene.com/motivation/948.php
